The Last Year or So...

It has been over a year since the last time I posted. And in that post, I promised to post more often.

But, life happened.

I had an almost two year old at the time, who we were about to start potty training because I was pregnant with our second baby, due in October, and I desperately didn't want two children in diapers at the same time.

Going from one to two kids has been difficult, to say the least. This last year has been hard for me.  Really hard.  I have had a year of understanding perspective, adjusting my expectations of myself, and of my children.

I chose to attempt natural childbirth with Evelyn, which took a lot of research, reading, and practicing. And then, when shove came to pushing, I had to accept the reality that it would be impossible to do. My baby was born by emergency c-section. I panicked when my doctor told me this would be the case, and afterwards, I was sad, depressed, and in a lot of pain.  I questioned my ability to birth my children on my own. I entered motherhood for the second time in a deep hole of self-doubt.  If I can't naturally birth my children, how can I be the mommy I always thought I would be?  Things weren't as simple as I had idealized them.

But my friends and family complimented me in my ability to mother. My friends, especially. I don't know how you do it, Beth. You are a great mom. Inside, I was screaming, But, I'm not! I'm impatient, selfish, and tired! I do not love every minute of being with my kids. Most days, I wallow in my self pity. Most days, I feel like I barely make it. My house is always a disaster. I just want to be left alone, in my bed. I was lonely. I was depressed. And I felt like if I told my friends those thoughts, they would think I was a whiner. I got frustrated because I didn't want to give a false impression of myself. I wanted them to know that I'm not perfect, it's not easy, and I was really struggling. But I also wanted to be an encouragement to my friends, as much as I could be.

I realized that the more books and blogs I read about parenting and mothering, the worse I felt about myself.  I went to a parenting class for about 12 weeks and Evelyn was born halfway through it, so I had her with me for the last few weeks. The class talked a lot about the importance of a schedule, having order in your house, and making your relationship with your husband the priority. These were all things I knew and had done with my firstborn, Avery. No problem. Avery was a "textbook baby." She adjusted to changes in her schedule within a couple of days. Reaching milestones never affected her sleep patterns. She slept 12 hours at night and took decent length naps, and was a very happy baby. I also started reading a blog that talked about the same philosophy as the parenting class. The blogger posts weekly updates on her baby, and had them labeled so I could reference the age that Evelyn was at. The blogger's baby would sleep 12-13 hours at night and sleep 4-6 hours during the day, even at 6 months old. Every week when I would read it, I felt stupid. My baby wasn't like that. What was I doing wrong this time? Evelyn did not get on a nap schedule until 9 months old, and it wasn't for lack of trying, on my part. The child would not sleep during the day. I was at a loss. I wasn't getting any time to myself, even fifteen minutes. I was a failure. I was trapped.

I also had to stop breastfeeding at 6 months, when I had gone until 14 months with Avery. Obviously, it was the best decision for Evelyn, as she wasn't growing enough, and was feeding more than ever. This time was just dramatically different than it was the first time. I felt like a failure again. I wasn't accepting myself.  I wasn't accepting that my very best was enough.

Just in the last couple of months (Evelyn will be 11 months tomorrow), I have realized that everyone else's idea of "successful parenting" shouldn't matter to me. If my children are happy, well-mannered, and learning that Jesus loves them more than anything, then in my book, I am doing a good job as a mother. All parts of parenting have to work for each individual family. I am not saying that if it's too hard for you to say "no" to your child, then don't do it. Saying "no" to your child has to happen in every family, but the way it is done will vary.

I hesitate to give advice to any parent friend, even when they ask me for it. If I tell my friend who has children how we discipline our children, and then it doesn't work for their family, I don't want them to think, Well, we failed at doing it the way the Bruces do it. Stephen's and my standard of doing things for our household is what is right for us, but it's not for everyone. I've also discovered that we may do things one way for a while and then it starts to not work anymore, and we have to find a new, effective way of doing it. I have had to realize that this is probably normal. If I hold onto the thought, We have always done it this way, why isn't it working anymore?, then I try to force something that just is not working, all while wasting a couple of months, clinging onto what I've always known. It's silly.

Finally, my inability to blog during the last year plagued me. I admire the moms who somehow find a way to write on their blog several times a week. I seriously do not know how they do it, especially those who have young babies, who need their attention pretty much every minute of the day. I have had to let it go. For me, if I tried to put that much energy into anything other than my girls, I felt like a failure at everything. Blogging just isn't that important to me. However, I do want to document the girls' childhoods as much as I can, so I will figure out a way to do it. When I started this blog, Stephen and I were newly married, and I wasn't working. I knew we would be moving to a different country, so my motive with the blog was to keep our families and friends up to date with what was happening with us. When we moved back to the States, my motive to blog became a scrapbook for me and my family. Anyone who wants to read about it is welcome, but I'm not going to sit down and make a real scrapbook, so this is it.

I have had to give myself a break. I'm not saying I never feel like a failure. During the last several days, both girls are refusing to nap. It is beyond frustrating! I feel like I have tried everything, and still nothing works. Big, epic mom fail. I keep trying to remind myself that this is just a season and one day, I will really miss this time. I need to be present in the here and now, and not take it for granted. My house will all be clean at the same time someday. It is probably a long ways away, but I'd rather be on the floor playing with my babies than cleaning the bathroom. Needless to say, come to my house at your own risk! If clutter and sticky floors bother you, you might feel compelled to clean while you're here. By all means, be my guest!

All that to say, I'm hoping to be able to start blogging regularly again, but no promises. I will not be burdened by it, but I will be motivated to do it.

Is this thing on....?

Ahem.  Hello, there!  Is anybody still out there?  I haven't written or posted anything since November 9, 2010.  That was last year.  63 days ago.

Shame on me.  Because the reason I blog is to document our lives.  For me. For Stephen. For Avery.  And for those of you who are interested enough!  Since November 9th, Avery has done at least 63 new things that I have missed documenting.  Boo on me.

I am really going to try to blog more regularly.  I'm not going to set a goal, if you will, because once I don't meet my goal of posting at least three times per week, or whatever it may be, I'll just stop posting again.  Basically, I just need to be more diligent about getting on here and writing every once in awhile and hopefully it will become more a part of my life again.

It's hard finding the time to do this!  Especially since Avery became mobile.  I feel like when she is awake, I am playing with her and trying to intercept her sneaking in the bathroom to peer over the side of the tub and say, "Ooooooh!"  Or heading her off at the pass while she tries to quickly crawl into a bedroom and close the door behind her and sit in front of the door so that I have to very carefully open the door and slide her backwards with the door.  Thank goodness for slippery hardwood floors!

I'm not going to try to play catch up with the past 63 days because, seriously - that's slightly overwhelming and ridiculous.  Instead, I'll just pick up at the present time and pretend I've been blogging all along!  Sound good?  Fantastic.

I'll sum it up, though.  Avery had a great 1st birthday.  Monkey cake, grandparents, and some little friends made it very fun.  Christmas was also a blast because all of our family was home for Christmas, from both sides.  Lots of cousins, aunts and uncles, and fun was had!

Now here we are in January - the start to a new year.  Although it's already the 11th, so we're almost halfway through the month already!  I had my second week of the new Bible study I'm in, which is on Revelation this time.  It's a Beth Moore study, and I am loving it.  I did the Daniel study in the fall and really loved it, too.  Daniel was much more homework-intensive, but I got so much out of the homework that I didn't mind.  I am loving this opportunity to study the Word with other women.



I am also loving being able to spend my days with my little Avery muffin.  She makes me laugh every day - her personality just lights up our house!  She loves to play games - all of a sudden she'll be peeking at me through the coffee table, or around the door frame and laughing and squealing.  She has always been a child who does things in her own time.  I've always known this, but it took me about the first eight months of her life to really learn that.  My most recent reminder of this is with her walking.  She is 13 1/2 months old and not walking yet, which I am actually fine with!  She is healthy and happy and she is working on the whole walking thing.  I think she just wants to wait until she feels safer "letting go" and going for it!  And you know what?  I think there's a lot to be said about that.  She is patient with herself, so why shouldn't I be?  I have learned that just because Stephen or I did such-and-such at a certain age doesn't mean that she will, too.  She just amazes me each day with her beauty and zest for life.  I just can't imagine loving her more.

She does not disappoint!  The other night, I got her pajamas on and we went back to the living room to play for a little while longer before heading to bedtime routine.  I was sitting on the floor, cross-legged, and she came over and used me as a ledge and just stood up, right in front of me.  She let go and just stood there.  And she continued to stand there, like a little meerkat!  I was astounded.  She just decided, I think I'm ready to stand on my own now.  And she was so proud of herself.  She just grinned from ear to ear.  And she kept doing it.  Sit down, stand up.  Sit down, stand up.  Practice makes perfect! 

The next day, we went to a birthday party at a play gym for little ones.  I put her down, standing, and she just took off!  She took about 4 steps all by herself, without anyone holding out their hands to her.  She just surprises me all the time, and I get so proud of her.

Do you think God sees us like I see Avery?  Do you think He's waiting for me to let go?  Is He waiting for you to let go?

 Yes, she is sitting in her baby doll cradle.  It's her favorite place to have a sit.

1,000 Days of Marriage...

ONE-THOUSAND DAYS AGO, Huzz and I said our "I-Do's" and committed to each other for the rest of our lives.

Forever and ever.

Always.

Devoted.

Just the two of us.

While eating dinner tonight, we were talking about some of the things that have happened in the last 1,000 days.

• Traveled to Costa Rica for our honeymoon
• Lived in NYC for 10 months (me)
• became an aunt and uncle for the first time (Hi, Hannah!)
• Traveled to Alaska
• Moved to and lived in Kazakhstan for a whole year
• learned to depend on God and each other
• prayed together every day
• Learned enough Russian to get by while living in Kazakhstan
• Flew business class (I had never done this before) while flying around the world
• rode in said Business class with Hugh Jackman (I saw him go in and out of the airplane toilet) -- I know -- I am very special.
• Traveled to Dubai for vacation
• Traveled to Turkey for vacation
• Found out we were expecting our first child
• Shed lots of tears (mostly me)
• Experienced lots of laughter together
• Moved back to the US and near our parents
• road-tripped through the midwest to visit family
• traveled to Seattle
• celebrated our 2nd anniversary
• Gave birth to our first child (trust me, that was ALL me)
• Spent lots of time awake in the middle of the night, feeding that first child (also ALL me!)
• watched in awe as our beautiful baby girl grew and changed every day
• learned what it means when another life completely depends on  your existence
• traveled to NYC with baby
• traveled to Florida with baby
• became an aunt and uncle for the second time (hi, Sadie!)
• became an aunt and uncle for the third time (hi, Peter!)
• went to lots of Rockies games
• watched pretty much every sporting event possible on t.v.  (surprisingly, this was NOT just Stephen - we only have one t.v.)
• learned how to be patient with the amount of sports that is watched in our house (totally me)
• turned 30  (Stephen!)
• turned 29 (me!)
• gone through some very tough times together
• gone through mostly amazing, unforgettable times together

There are hundreds of other things we did during the past 1,000 days that I can't remember because it's ONE-THOUSAND DAYS.

How cool is that?  I know that 1,000 days sounds like a lot and that it's only about 2 2/3 years, but it is still really special to me.

I love you so much, Baby.  Here's to 1,000,000 more days!

Yes, I understand that's about 2,700 years.  Just go with it.

For inquiring minds, since we got married, I have been keeping track of each day that has gone by with marking a tally in a little book I have...

Just kidding.  I'm not crazy.  I just happened to be on theknot.com the other day to look for our friend's page and found that our wedding page is still up and it said that we were married 997 days so far.  I got a little excited, knowing that Friday would mark 1,000 days.  I also know that I said I wasn't going to be blogging for awhile, but that I am blogging at this very minute.  I'm weird like that.  But seriously, this will be the last blog post you'll see from me for a long while.  I am reevaluating what I do with my free time and am feeling strongly that spending the time on the computer that is required in order to blog on a regular basis is probably not the greatest use of time.

Now, I am going to sign off and go snuggle on the couch with my husband of 1,000 days and finish my celebratory margarita.  Yum.

Also, if you'd like to read the accounts of our engagement that we wrote over 1,000 days ago, click here.

Why I Do What I Do...

I have been doing some thinking lately.

Like, deep thinking.  I know.  Risky business.

But seriously, I have been thinking about why I do what I do.  I know to some people, I'm just a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM).  And I know to some people, that is seen as a luxury.  And I know that some people can get very jealous that I stay home with our child.

Something that I am learning in my adult life is that the way some people feel about me or perceive me is completely out of my control.  All I can do is be who I am.  Please allow me to explain.

The thing that got me thinking about all of this recently is the concept of making Avery's baby food.  I decided that anything made fresh is definitely more healthy for you.  That's why most nights, I make dinner for Stephen and I.  While it'd be more convenient to throw a frozen pizza in the oven or crack open a jar of spaghetti sauce, I just rarely do.  We rarely order food in, and we go out to eat maybe once a week.  I'm not a health freak, but we try to lead a reasonably healthy lifestyle.

I want the same for our children.  It is more convenient to open jars of baby food for every feeding.  And I'm not going to say that Avery will never experience a jar of baby food because it is more convenient, it just might happen when I'm in a pinch.  However, it will not be a daily occurrence for her.  This is a choice we have made.

Not only is the homemade food better for her, it is incredibly cheaper.  We have bought all of her organic veggies at Costco -- huge bags (5-10 lbs.) that are about $5-7.00 a bag.  And I have 6 gallon size ziploc bags in our deep freeze, packed full of ice cube vegetables.  I figure it's more than enough to last until Avery is eating finger foods.  And I've only made 3 veggies and 2 fruits! Plus, we still have half of the bags of veggies left for Stephen and I to eat.  I noticed at Target that the organic baby food is over a dollar a 4 ounce jar.  The same stuff is about 68 cents a jar at Costco.  I am guessing that 4 of the 1 ounce cubes I made cost about 12 cents to make, if that.

So, it's healthier, and it's cheaper.  'Nuff said.

Anyway, analyzing why we've decided to go the homemade food route has made me think about my job as a SAHM, too.  Why am I doing this?

Well, I'll be honest.  I've always wanted to be a SAHM.  When I went into teaching, a big reason why I decided to was because it tends to be a little more manageable when you have kids...similar hours, vacations, etc.  However, I had no idea who I would be marrying and if it would be possible for me to be a SAHM.

When Stephen and I went through our pre-marital counseling (this was so incredibly important to us), how we would raise our children was a topic that we discussed.  Stephen and I both grew up in homes where our moms stayed home, for the most part.  It's what we know and what we liked.  We decided that I would most likely stay home with our kids, but that we'd re-evaluate when the time came.  It was nice to have the peace of mind that we were on the same page with such a big issue.

When we found out I was pregnant when we were still living in the big K, everything seemed to fall into place, leading to me staying home when the baby came.

This had nothing to do with finances.  It would be so much easier, financially, if I was working right now.  We are making so many sacrifices in our life right now because we are on such a strict budget.  There is coupon-clipping, shopping the weekly ads, meal planning, not shopping for pleasure, and constantly asking ourselves, "Do we really need that?" 

This has been harder for me, I think, than it is for Stephen.  He is simple and easy.  I have to discreetly throw away anything that belongs to him because he'll wear t-shirts, boxers, and socks way past what I would consider acceptable condition.  The guy still has all of his fraternity t-shirts and wears them frequently around the house.  They are threadbare and holey, but he says they serve their purpose.  Ha!  I love him so much.

When we came back to the US last summer, the job market was (and is) just horrible, especially for Stephen's line of work.  So, we decided to take a risk and start our own business.  It is financially risky for us, since we'll be living off our savings until we start to make money, but he is doing what he has always wanted to do.  And he's happy.  That is worth so much more than a semi-dependable salary from an employer.

We also knew that because we were starting this business, and I wasn't working a paid job, we would do our part of being responsible with our finances, but also we were going to rely on God to provide for all of our needs.

And boy, has He.  We have been under budget every month for the last nine months.

I'm not going to lie.  It kinda sucks.  Watching every penny that we spend and not getting to buy that cute outfit for Avery that she doesn't really need is hard work!  Being a SAHM is not a luxury.  It is a choice.  It takes a lot of self-control and perseverance.  I'll tell you what my motivation is.

This face:

Whether it's me staying home, or if it turned out that it made sense for Stephen to take care of her and me to work, we've made our choice.  We want to be the ones that watch all of her firsts.  We want to teach her our family values and beliefs.  We want to watch her grow and change every day.

This is the path we have chosen.

That's the beauty of all of this.  We all have choices to make when we become parents.  Where do we live, who do we spend our time with, what do we do for fun, who takes care of the child?  Just because we have made the choices that we have doesn't mean that everyone else needs to make the same choices.  Every family needs to make the choices that work and make the most sense for them.  Every family is different, so different choices will be made.

This is what works for us.

I'm more tired than I ever was teaching, and I don't get a paycheck, but it's sooooo worth it!

I hope I haven't stepped on anyone's toes with this.  The intent of course, is not to offend.  Like I said, we all make the choices that are right for us.  :)  It's actually only meant to encourage you to think about the choices you've made for your life.  Are they right for you?

Chicken and Socialism...

Check out this post by MckMama, in which she uses a great analogy of her experience when buying chicken at the grocery store to socialism.

Dear Mr. Tenor,
I need to express my deep concern about the last few weeks of church choir practice I've had to endure with you.
First of all, I'd like to remind you that singing in the church choir is a voluntary commitment.  No one is forcing you to be there.
Second of all, remember at the first practice -- the first of only four total practices, our worship director asked that we commit to this, making sure to come to each of the scheduled practices for Easter service?  Well, this point isn't actually directed at you because you have been at all four practices.  Not exactly happy to be there, but still, you were there, so I guess you committed yourself.  Thanks for that.  No, this point is more directed at the 8 other people who came to the first practice and haven't shown up since.  Until tonight, the final practice, and wanted to know what they had missed the past two weeks.
Third of all, it's a choir practice.  We all sing different parts, which is needed when the music calls for 3-part harmony.  Boys don't always sing melody.  It's not anyone's fault that you can't read music.
Next point:  When the worship director asks everyone to stand up at the beginning of practice, it's helpful for everyone if you don't mutter under your breath, "Yeah, that's not happening."  Your bad attitude and unnecessary comments are...well, unnecessary.
Finally, extending on the first point, not only are you not required to sing in the voluntary choir for Easter service, but also it's just not about you.  It's about praising God and celebrating that His son rose from the dead.  For me.  For you.  For us all.  Because we are all sinners.  He erased your sins.  He washed my sins away.  And if He didn't send His son to die for us, I would be so lost.  And I wouldn't have anything to sing about on Sunday morning.
So please, on Sunday morning, could you possibly show up at 7:30, ready to give Him the glory and praise for what He has done?  Just make it about that. 
Wear some comfy shoes so you don't feel like you'd rather sit on the bleachers while you sing, mmmm-k?
Thanks!
Love,
Beth

Compassion...

I don't know if you know about this, but this week, there has been a group of semi-famous bloggers on a trip to El Salvador with Compassion International.  Because two of the bloggers are ones that I read on a daily basis, I've been keeping up with what they're doing down there.

One of them is Kelly from http://kellyskornerblog.com/.  I have been following her blog for over a year.

Two other blogs that I read are BigMama and BooMama and they both linked to Shaun Groves' website to this post.  Shaun Groves is a Christian singer/songwriter. 

I read it.  It made me cry.  Obviously, this is no hard feat these days, but when you combine children and difficult things in life, my ears perk up, my eyebrows raise, and I usually cry.

But you know what's more effective than crying?

Doing something about it.

So, do you think it's any small coincidence that 2 days ago, Stephen told me that we have some extra money that we need to be praying about how to spend it before the end of the year?

I know what I want to do with $38 of it per month!

Go to http://www.compassion.com/ if you'd like to join me!

I'm 100% sure it's a decision that you'll never, ever, ever regret.

For All You Single Gals...and Even You Married Ones...

If you have known me since at least say, oh high school, you know that the fact that I didn't get married until I was 26 was hard on me.

As it is on a lot of single ladies out there.

I spent a lot of time and emotions on asking myself and asking God questions like, "What's wrong with me? Why wasn't he the one? Am I going to be single for the rest of my life?"

In hindsight, 26 is not old to get married, or anything! Now, I see that it's not age that matters, it was my willingness to be happy with who I was, no matter what the circumstances in my life were at the time.

By the time I got married to my amazing husband, I had completed four years of college. I bought my own home. I lived by myself for 2 1/2 years. I lived financially independent for 4 years. I worked my job as a teacher, with a contract for 4 years. I moved across the country for fun.

Once I realized I didn't need a husband to enjoy my life, I began enjoying my life! Was it easy?

No.

Because all I ever really wanted was to be a wife and mother.

Read this post from Big Mama. She says it best and I won't repeat everything she says, just to say it.

Now, I am thankful I didn't move straight from the dorm room to an apartment with my husband. I am actually grateful for those few years of independent singledom. They shaped me into becoming a better wife (and soon to be mom) and created who I am today.

Does anyone feel the same way I do? Or maybe you're in the midst of being single and asking all those questions that I mentioned above and you're tired of people like me telling you, just wait...

God will exceed your expectations. And you probably won't realize it until after it's happened, but it's even sweeter then.

What Do You Think?

If you look to the right-hand side of my bloggity-blog, you can see a neat, little poll! We have a family pool going that my cuz, Jaimie, put together when we were all at the Lake this summer and I believe she is wrapping things up at my cuz's wedding in October.

Here's a chance to get in your two cents!

So, what do you think? Am I having a boy or a girl?

Maybe you're my dad and you "just KNOW it's a girl." Maybe you think I look like I'm carrying a boy.

Maybe because I've loved ice cream since the beginning of the pregnancy, you think I'm having a sweet girl.

I don't know what I'm having! So, I'm not trying to trick you in any way. I just think it'll be fun to have everyone vote on what they think.

Family: if you've already guessed for the pool, cast your vote on here, too!

You all have until Halloween night at 11:00 PM MST to voice your opinion.

Also, what do you think of my new blog background? Do you likey?

Here's to the Strict Parents...

One of the blogs I like to read is Rocks In My Dryer, and she occasionally writes for Parents Magazine.

Her topic today is called "Here's to the Strict Parents" and I think she puts her belief in effective parenting into powerful words.

What do you think about what she says?

A Good Read...

I came across this post from It's Almost Naptime today and really liked it. If you have children, or are thinking about having children and plan on raising them in your Christian home, the way God calls us to raise His children, I encourage you to read this.

Huzz and I were just talking about this the other night - how do we raise our children to follow Him? It is my biggest fear, as I become a mom. I can do everything "right," at least as best as I can, but in the end, every child chooses their own way. They have that power! And it's a power that I cannot control. It is scary, but it really shouldn't be. We have the Holy Spirit on our side, working in our childrens' hearts and minds. I am just an assistant to God's work.

Anyway, I will definitely be looking into the suggestions that Missy makes in her post, using the little things to help teach our children about their Holy Father.

If you have any other suggestions of how to do this, please let me know!

Rude Kids...

I read this BreakPoint from Charles Colson today. As a teacher and witnessing these kinds of kids every work day for the last 6 years, I don't think Mr. Colson could have said it better.


Rude Kids The Fruits of Overdeveloped Self-Esteem
May 21, 2009

A recent report on MSNBC suggested that parents’ pre-occupation with their kids’ self-esteem may have produced “rude” children who lack compassion for others.
According to MSNBC, “many experts say today’s kids are ruder than ever.” The word “rude” encompasses a variety of behaviors, from selfishness to deliberate malice. In one example, a pre-schooler deliberately tripped a woman in a crowded restaurant and then bragged to her mother about it. In another, a child continuously insults his mother in front of his mortified grandmother.
In both cases, the parent neither says nor does anything.
Apparently, these aren’t isolated instances: a 2005 Yale University study found that “preschool students are expelled at a rate more than three times that of children in grades K-12 because of behavioral problems.”
It isn’t only preschoolers. The media has documented the behavior in the workplace of those born between 1980 and 1996. Words used to describe the behavior of the so-called “Generation Y” include “self-centered” and “arrogant.” As one management professor put it, “They don’t know when to shut up.” And having grown up questioning their parents, they now question their bosses.
Whether or not today’s kids are actually “ruder than ever,” the article and others like it reflect the sense that something has gone wrong in the way we raise our children. Specifically, it has to do with “popular parenting movements focusing on self-esteem.”
These movements produce parents who “[respond] with hostility to anyone they perceive as getting in the child’s way.” By “getting in the child’s way,” they mean doing anything that might make the child feel less-than-wonderful about him or herself—in the classroom, among their peers, or on the playing field.
So today we have a generation of children who believe that the world revolves around them and that they are entitled to feel good about themselves.
Expecting children raised this way to be compassionate or even polite betrays a profound ignorance of human nature—the same ignorance that led to the “popular parenting movements” that created the mess in the first place.
These movements were inspired by the ideas of Romantic Enlightenment thinkers like Jean-Jacques Rousseau. According to Rousseau, “There is no original perversity in the human heart.” So, he says, “when children’s wills are not spoiled by our fault, children [desire] nothing uselessly.” So parents and teachers should strive to produce children who are “authentic, self-sufficient, and autonomous.”
According to E.D. Hirsch, this Romantic ideal that “each person has a natural and uniquely divine spark, which, if nurtured, cannot go wrong,” is behind the emphasis on self-esteem. The problem, as Hirsch points out, is that there is no proven connection between high self-esteem and actual achievement.
In other words, feeling good about yourself isn’t enough to make you good. You have to be taught right from wrong and made to feel bad when you deserve it. As the Scripture says, true parental devotion includes the willingness to correct our children.
The alternative isn’t “authenticity”—it’s spoiling their wills in the worst possible way.